Recently, my husband and I were walking some place and it became necessary that he walk in front of me. Now I am only 5’3” tall, he is 5’11” and he is not a slender man. As we walked along, I could not see over him. I could not see where he was leading us nor could I see around him because the path was rather narrow. It surprised me when I became a little bit anxious and impatient after a while. I had to be honest with myself. I did not like the fact that I couldn’t see where we were going. I didn’t like how it made me feel to not be able to see what was coming on either side of us. I was not in control of anything and I didn’t like it. After a while the path grew wider and I was able to walk alongside him again, but you guessed it, the Lord would not leave me alone concerning what had just happened. Most times God will use the most unusual circumstances to get our attention. And get my attention He did.
You see I am good at telling the Lord, “Lord, I will follow you wherever you lead me.” But when the rubber meets the road, I had to ask myself, “Vera, do you really mean that?” As long as Mike and I were walking side by side and I could see where we were headed and what surrounded us, I was fine. But the moment I could only see his back and nothing else I felt like I was falling off a cliff and could not break my fall. I had lost control! Now Lord, really? You want to deal with me about control issues? I thought we had gotten this settled years ago. But sometimes we just might need to revisit past issues that want to creep back into our lives and want to take us captive.
The root of control is usually fear and I had to ask myself, “Girl, what are you afraid of?” The Lord in His mercy and grace revealed several things to me. You see no matter how mature we become in the Lord we should never think that we don’t need spiritual tune ups from time to time. It is imperative that we ask the Lord on a regular to examine us and to help us to rid ourselves of those things that will come in and make us ineffective. The Lord has stated that I am not to be enslaved by fear which will cause me to want to be in control of everything. I am not that person. That is not who I am. My goal is to solidly trust Him enough to allow Him to truly lead me even when I cannot see where He is taking me.